This time last year, I was feeling the most positive, energised, fit and strong I had been for a long, long time.
I had detoxed, (body and mind), learnt to teach and practise Quantum Flow regularly, feeling good about keeping my business (and family) going during lockdowns. I was running and almost up to 5k, my clothes felt looser and more comfortable. I had done liver cleanses and colonic hydrotherapy. I was eating very healthily and light - plenty of water, smoothies with super foods and veggies. I was loving this lighter way of eating and loved my food more than ever.
I felt light - in every sense.
Then, a few days after my birthday in mid-October, and a day after my husband realised he had lost his sense of smell and taste, so did I.
I am not going to complain because even though having covid was not pleasant at all, I have no long lasting effects and I didn't need to be hospitalised. I had 2 awful days, followed by another few in bed. (Being bed and house bound actually meant I had the opportunity to start on my subconscious transformation journey with @totallylaura, but that's another story for another day!).
The main effects after I was no longer bed bound, were that I got tired and breathless easily, and taste and smell took their time coming back. I went off food. I didn't enjoy it anymore. And when my appetite did eventually come back, I craved stodgy carbs so much, and couldn't stomach all the smoothies, the veggies!! This was so disappointing!
I also felt very tired and breathless easily so exercising and anything other than a gentle yoga or quantum flow practise was out.
And then...I found myself slip back into old habits.
So after the whole covid thing (I was actually initially annoyed, why did I get it when I was so healthy?!
Well, probably I would've had it much worse if I wasn't tbh) - my whole healthy living had taken a nose dive.
I took supplements and rested. I also rested my enthusiasm!
I realised that where I had rewired my mind and way of being into my healthy lifestyle...I was now, post-covid, slipping back. The old subconscious (with years of unhealthy programming) had reared up.
Stories/programming that some of you may be familiar with included:
? eat everything on your plate or you are wasteful and "bad" in some way (ouch, that's a big one).
? dieting is punishing
? I am too old to lose weight now
? Oh just this one little treat won't hurt
? This tastes sooo good, I'll have another portion
? this takes too much effort
? others can do this, not me
? it's vegan so it's healthy
? what's the point, I'll never stick at it...
And that last point is probably one of the most triggering and potent messages of all that I have found out about myself. That I never stick at things. Well, not with everything but with this, anyway. There's always something to scupper my efforts. That knocks me off track and then I stay off track. Covid really scuppered me! And it gave me something outside of myself to blame! Hooray! Except...what was going on INSIDE?
It's taken me months of work now, of practising patience, gratitude, compassion and lots of other mind, body, soul work to get myself back. And I am not quite there at the level I was, but I am on my way. My energy levels are finally coming back, my motivation is starting to gather momentum again, I'm getting there! It has been a slow burner for me and that is another "story" I have to release - that unless things happen with a BOOM, they are not worthy transformations. Sometimes, slowly and surely wins the race, in the end.
Like I said, I'm in this for the long haul. Actually I don't like the word "haul", it sounds too gruelling. I am CHOOSING for this NOT to be gruelling! Challenging at times, needing to dig deep at times, sure. But with a positive, inquisitive mind and energised body.
